if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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