So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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