the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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