it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
