And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
