Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize