GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
