Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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