brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
