I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
