i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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