if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
