she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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