He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
and you fell through a lawn chair
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
