we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
