when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
