There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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