anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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