You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
