No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
whose ass print is on the piano?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
