too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize