To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
