It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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