plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there was a trapeze. enough said
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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