Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
