I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
