it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
