whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
