My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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