You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
