i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
