Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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