I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
