im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize