I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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