He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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