Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
