Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
