I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
