i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
