Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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