It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
