No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
