i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
