She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
