ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
