saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
