I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
