Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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