I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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