new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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