I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
