he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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