I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
