i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
