I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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