sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
