Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
