My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
