Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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