Me. At least after what I've been through.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
