I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
