oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
