Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
