He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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