well you can't waste a boner
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
