Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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