Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
