Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
