god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
