I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
