before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
