so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
