Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize