Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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